Just last night as I was trying in vain to sleep on my stomach and failing, it dawned on me what a 360 degree turn I had done concerning plastic surgery.
My entire life I had vehemently stood against the idea and frowned upon people who relied on it for their self worth. My viewpoint was based on the idea that our inner worth should not be based on our outer appearance, and if we feel that by looking better we will be better – there was a lot of inner healing that needed to take place.
And then I had plastic surgery. Oops.
I used to love my pre-surgery boobs, they weren’t big but they were an awesome shape and nicely pert. I then breastfed for 2.5 years and sadly destroyed their size, shape and happiness.
Having been previously happy with my body I found it a new experience to feel uncomfortable when looking in the mirror. I would breastfeed again in a heartbeat and if my choice was between nursing my daughter or having awesome boobs I would choose boob milk without a thought.
But I did have a choice to re-inflate my little darlings and so I did. Last month I broke my nose during an adventure race and although the break isn’t baaaaaaaad per say, I have decided to fix my nose as well.
So I am officially a hypocrite.
While I can easily admit to this, there is another aspect to my story I wanted to write about.
It is so very hard to judge another or stay rigidly in an unchanging belief about something until you yourself have personally had experience with the topic. Every one of us are guilty of judging other people’s actions or beliefs, we do it with the little things (what is she wearing!) and we do it with the big things (I would never have done that!).
It’s a complex idea though, that we should allow every individual their own choices without judgement. Because there are some basic moral and ethical commonalities that we hope to live by ourselves and get pissed off when others don’t as well.
If there was a handbook called ‘the approved list for frowning’ life would be easier. We could quickly reference the glossary and go on to judge the colour of our friends new car without shame, but bite our tongue when wanting to judge how someone parents (that would require a cross reference check in the glossary with acceptable ethics and treatment of children).
But getting back to topic… our world is so beautifully dual. We applaud and celebrate our physicality through fashion, sports and beauty and then at the exact same time shout shame and reproach.
It is ok to work hard at gym to achieve a lovely body if you are an athlete, however if you are a porn star we will snigger at your vanity.
It is ok to have plastic surgery if you were previously sporting some kind of deformity, we will send you flowers and express how happy we are that you will soon have a better life. However if you are already attractive and have plastic surgery to become more attractive, we will throw old potato skins at you and label you shallow.
We both drown and elevate every aspect of our humanity. I think it is a constant ebb and flow of accepting our animalistic selves and seeking to ignore its urgings. Nature celebrates beauty; every animal mates with the most attractive and strongest partner they can find. Whole species have evolved to accommodate this – with spectacular plumage and endearing mating dances. Animals aren’t at all ashamed of being the best and most beautiful they can be.
But we are.
Anyway – those were my 1am thoughts last night. The jury is out on this one.