Victimhood. Don’t deny it now, there have been times in your life when you were unapologetically, completely justifiably, a suffering victim.
I am not speaking about being a true victim of crime or economic disasters, but rather when some nefarious person or circumstance conspires to make your life difficult or painful in some way. A situation where you were so perfectly innocent, the angels themselves came to bow at your feet.
The thing is, when you divulge in all the emotions that come with being a victim, emotions like righteousness, revenge and fear, you are literally signing away your capacity to live an enjoyable life.
Responsibility = Power. Spiderman’s uncle got that equation back to front. It is through accepting and owning your own reactions and emotions (responsibility) that you become powerful.
Life is not only going to throw lemons, but the whole damn lemon plantation at you. There will be betrayal, loss, fear, misunderstandings and embarrassment. You will experience pretty much everything that the oxford dictionary describes. You can either resist these experiences, or become resilient to them.
Building your emotional and mental resilience is not about becoming immune to your emotions, but rather it is moving through your challenges quickly with grace, humility and creativity. It is understanding that all circumstances or relationships (and I do mean all) are determined by your reaction towards them. It is about giving yourself the gift of authentically feeling what you feel, without the need to pass those emotions onto others (unless they are feelings of love in which case, share as much as possible.)
It is understanding that while you may not have the power to change those same circumstances or relationships, you do have the choice about how you want to engage with them and how they will shape you. You can remain in victimhood where you feel powerless and resentful, or you can take ownership of how it makes you think and feel. And then do something about it.
That ‘doing’ is pretty simple actually; process your emotions before responding, detach from the drama and instead seek to be the observer. Whatever challenge you are currently going through will only have as much power to influence your life as you allow it to.
Here’s an interesting little scientific fact you may not have known: your heart sends more neuro signals to your brain than your brain sends to the heart. What this means is that your mindset, your health, your physical operating system, let’s just summarise and say your whole being, is controlled by your heart.
- Happy, peaceful and calm heart = healthy, calm, creative mind and body with higher cognitive functioning.
- Angry, anxiety-ridden and tumultuous heart = disease, sleeplessness, high-stress and over reactive states.
You, and only you, have the power (and responsibility) to decide how you want to live. Do you want to live in a constant state of blame that will only result in your own ill-health? Or do you want to spend your time on earth in a state of creative power?
As always, love is the answer.
Practice it with yourself.
Pour love into your own heart and those of others.
You will be richly rewarded.