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Are you Focused on your Loss or your Gain? 

 February 3, 2020

By  Sonia

It is human nature to keep seeking more and better, when this urge is upon us we know it is time for a change. But over time we lose perspective on why we wanted this change or set a goal. We forget our motivators and begin focusing on what we are missing rather than what we are gaining.

We shrink under the realisation that there is still so much work to do, that we aren’t where we want to be, we don’t have what we want. We compare our present self to our imagined future self and judge ourselves lacking. Suddenly, our current life doesn’t seem all that bad and the pain of change overshadows the pain of staying the same. 

When we approach our goals with this mindset we stay in a place of ‘lack’. We feel we are always making some kind of sacrifice to reach the end of a road that seems to always be just out of reach. 

We start to believe that life is forcing us to make this change and view all the tasks before us as a ‘sacrifice’. This idea of sacrifice puts us on the back foot and creates a sense of reactive feelings and actions. We feel we are always reacting to life’s circumstances, and begin to believe that the universe has it out for us because everything is feeling so damn hard.

We can’t operate our lives with peace, purpose, and confidence if these two mindsets of sacrifice and lack are underpinning our actions. 

Goals should be an exciting gift that we look forward to receiving and our focus should be very firmly on all that we will gain when we unwrap this gift. In other words, we need to be in front of our goals, focused on the benefits of the outcome, rather than running behind our goals and feeling out of control. It is too easy to get lost in the draining energy of sacrifice and lack when we look at our goals from the wrong direction. 

When we desire something new or different we have to do different to experience different. Logically we know this, but we resist changing our habits because of the discomfort we experience (watch my video on Procrastination and the Lazy Brain Syndrome to understand why your brain does this). We begin mourning all the things we have to leave behind (sacrifice) and feel rudderless and unworthy (lack). 

We have forgotten the reason we wanted to change, the purpose of achieving our goal, we have forgotten that life wasn’t panning out the way we wanted it to or didn’t feel the way we wanted it to feel.

The way to combat this is to keep your attention, your focus, your emotion, your everything firmly on the other side of your goal. The side of the goal where you have reached your destination and are living all the benefits that come with it.

That should be your only focus and every action you take, thought you think or emotion you feel must have the awesome completion of your goal in mind.

  • If you want to lose weight then see yourself fit and vibrant and back up that vision with good food and exercise choices, rather than sulking over a piece of cake you are now ‘sacrificing’.
  • If you want to better your education see your confident and proud self when you have your degree, rather than feeling left out of all the Netflix everybody else is watching while you are studying.

…you get the idea.

Stay on the right side of your goal, the side that brings you all the abundant goodness that you have been seeking. Keep the vision of that outcome front and center and before you know it, your old life will be a fond memory and the skill of change (yes it is a skill) will now be a part of your personal superpowers.

Believe in your self with everything you’ve got, you’ve got nothing to lose.