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A Single Mom on Dating

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For some reason in my post divorce life, I seem to be surrounded by a lot of male friends. During various (and annoyingly frequent) discussions around my dating status, the fact that I am a single mother seems to be the central focus of conversation.

I have often been told that it is a pity I have a child because this vastly reduces my dating pool to a tiny percentage of saintly men willing to take on this ‘responsibility’ and ‘hassle’. I find this whole outlook completely laughable… and here’s why:

I am complete without you

Sorry to pop your rose coloured soap bubble boys but I am not a beggar on the streets, desperate to nab myself a man at any costs. I am in fact perfectly and genuinely happy without a romantic partner and much like icing on a cake, any future romance would be a little extra flavouring on the top of my full diet.

I am already in love

I have the magnificent privilege of being a mother. What this means is that I am totally, deeply and irrevocably in love with my child and nothing on this earth nor floating around it will change that fact. If you want me to fall in love with you it had better be for a damn good reason.

You are being interviewed sir, not I

Men have this strange idea that us single mom’s will accept any man willing to have us because it is just so darn hard to find a man when you’re in the single parenting naughty corner. Allow me to please state the actual facts. I am not only interviewing you as a possible mate for myself, but also a person who will be a role model and influence on my child’s life – believe me I do not take that lightly.

Your character and morals are being just as acutely scanned as your ab muscles. I’m older now, I’ve been through the trials of a long term relationship, I’ve lived with someone, grown a human being, gone through divorce and have relied on me, myself and I to look after and raise my child. I don’t need your bullshit sir – I’ve seen it and heard it all before.

You are already off my list just by being you

The very fact that you (even in jest) referred to my baby girl as a piece of luggage has immediately and forever more removed you from my list of ‘someone to respect’. And without respect there is no chance of anything other than a friendly chat over coffee.

Children are sacred, awesome and should be cherished. I am not saying it is always easy to raise children, they are mini humans with absolutely no filter and that can be tiring. But no less than having to suffer through ignorant statements from over grown child-men who are not evolved enough to honour a child.

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Anonymous

What a great piece, thanks Sonia!

Henk

Hi Sonia.

While I am a man, I do not “have this strange idea that … single mom’s will accept any man willing to have (them) because…”

Furthermore, I think most people -regardless of gender, do not need the bullshit of others -regardless of gender.

I think “both parties are being interviewed” which is perhaps as it should be?

Your statement: “You are already off my list just by being you” triggers a few objections -specifically in a metaphysical sense, so I am going to assume a tight context of one or a few individuals / readers who have in fact labeled your baby girl as ‘baggage’ [not cool, I agree]. You may agree it will otherwise be courting disaster to place someone on one’s ‘list’ for being ‘not themselves’.

I’m sure I’m just reacting to your generalisation about ‘men’, but I’m over it now. lol
I hope you are looking for what you find.

All the best to a dedicated mom!

    Sonia

    Thanks for your comments – obviously not all men are created equal 🙂 just a light hearted commentary on my part about expectations according to different personalities.

    My blog is called ‘the rant’ 🙂

      Henk

      And well you ranted, so I ranted also -thanks for the opportunity! ?

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